Alone and Lost With My Own Battles

Words Written about June/July of 2009

context lost with frustration
my own head

untimely
frustrated
internally tortured
head fucked
inside out?
awake to a sleeping lie
hate this but love it

want her later but now my head battles
no escaping the folds of gray brain.

torn ripped folds of gray mind fucked

to battle fight alone with everyone on my side?

hating hate
i hate the heat, i hate the sounds
lived without admitting to myself
i want to compose and lose my track.
i want to create and am interrupted.
i want to live and freeze in place
 watching time fly by
   when can i step in?
 watching the eyes of the world
   what do they see?

i look inside, can u see inside
    what's really there?
love, hate, unknown, fear, spite asides
    it's all inside looking out
the world reflected
    always out of time
alone and interrupted
    complexity inner line
broken spirit laden
    ruptured bloodied life

battle fades
        frustration subsumes
    sound clash - breaking my work - no schedule - demand pervades - others can't see this - I alone fall into this - is there an answer?

i'm lost again with answers with out a path
    i'm fighting again with a clear path without answers
i've got a path with a broken road
    i've trekked upon the road to lose the path

why does it make me mad?
    why should i dislike it so?
mediocrity, simpleton, crude, perpetual - ? mediocrity?
    where are my ideas
i've spillt the damn ideas across the floor
now i sound insane as i actually grow collected and corrected.

New Day

A single point of recognition pries into the mind.
A small light glares as the eyes open.
Another day is upon me, it is upon us all.
Some may rest in peace, but not here not now.

The day begins and the mind gears for the onset.
Earth shifts again and we all begin to...
  One here, there, on a corner, in the workers...

One starts the machinery, one starts begins prep...
  The fragrance of life begins anew, a new day.
Breads, meats, the carcass the stewing heat amid us...
  The frigid cold tearing into the soul.
The skin barely an embrace among the chill.

...these word are very very incomplete.  :/

Ro... je ne sais quoi

To know your smile, feel your touch,
hold your hand, embracing you much.
To love to know to have our...
Hearts beat together

In spite of life and set sacrifice aside
We'll have each other regardless of tides
To love to know to have our...
Hearts beat together

Rolling Over Days

I'm overwhelmed as we roll away...
Gliding so smoothly over rail...
A tear gathers in my eye for today.
It's like a round about long tail.

I was rolling along so frequently.
The paths are clearly known to me.
The clarity, focus, and liberty.
Pedaled along among so many free.

Stumptown Girl

I put these pieces together a while ago...  not sure the exact date...

It's a busy flow, but they haven't lined her up to be great.
She's a nice lady, Emerald is, but her soul is a little late.

The gray casts upon us all, seeing the cool breeze I'm unfazed.
The streets glisten with wetness, I can feel the cold unabated.

The emerald lady can't decide if she likes me.
However the gal smiles and asks if I'll return.
The emerald lady she's friendly, but holds back.
I think I'll roll down and see my Stumptown Gal.

I gotta make a visit,
I gotta get away today,
I have to get down and visit my Stumptown Gal.
I want to get away,
I want to see her smile,
Stumptown Gal is waiting for me,
Stumptown Gal is smiling at me,
Stumptown Gal wants to...
...sip a coffee,
act a play,
see or say,
drink a beer,
bike a ride,
follow the tide.
...and off I go again to see my Stumptown Gal.

I remember this feeling before, on a hot summer day,
The humidity beat into me, as the bugs came to play.
The porch was wide and the view wasn't so bad,
However the my life had turned into a twisted little fad.
A drink or three this night, till a burning hour of three.
I'd step up to work, day after day, wanting away and free.

Superficial

Sitting in Seattle Coffee Works, near Pike & 1st. Watching two young people, dressed very upscale, finish their drinks and walk off to somewhere. It makes me ponder, what do they miss? Do they realize what they miss by dressing that way? Do they see their special treatment? Do they want to versus being judged on a less superficial level? Do they care?

The tits walked in and the ass waddled along.
Her man stepped along behind, watching sway.
She rolled up and spoke, stupidity fell long.
He told her what she'd get and gave her play.

She was like a wind up doll, didn't care to think.
She smiled and walked her way, feeling in charge.
He stood and waited for the order, for his fink.
She sat like an obedient bitch with drink all large.

Arm piece idiocy, a worthless bitch,
Where do you stand in this world? Superficial!
What do you think you are? Superficial!
You're nothing, except for who puts you on their arm.
Stand away, drop the vacuous superficial.
Be something, fly above the superficial.

Ending

Occupied.

We're at a loss and stand alone.
We're lost among our own ideals.
We're alone in the crowd at home.
We're broken, unsure what to feel.

Occupied...
Is it ending?
Where's my home?
Where's my land?
Where's my love?
Where's my thought?
Where's my knowing?
Where's my way?

Occupied...
Is it ending?
Step into the fray
get ready for today

Occupied...
Is it ending?
It'll be upon many unprepared soon.
Like being fed soup with a dirty spoon.

Ending, drawing near.
With the beginning on the horizon.
Blood to be drawn. Fear to be faced.
With the beginning on the horizon.

Free me, free us, let us know, let us think.

We need to find our home!
We need to find our land!
We need to find our love!
We need to find our thought!
We need to find our knowledge!
We need to find our way!

Ending, drawing near.
With the beginning on the horizon.
Blood to be drawn. Fear to be faced.
With the beginning on the horizon.

Bring the ending,
perpetuate the ending,
permeate the ending,
bring the ending.

Ending, drawing near.
With the beginning on the horizon.
Blood to be drawn. Fear to be faced.
With the beginning on the horizon.