Sunday, October 30, 2011

Alone and Lost With My Own Battles

Words Written about June/July of 2009

context lost with frustration
my own head

untimely
frustrated
internally tortured
head fucked
inside out?
awake to a sleeping lie
hate this but love it

want her later but now my head battles
no escaping the folds of gray brain.

torn ripped folds of gray mind fucked

to battle fight alone with everyone on my side?

hating hate
i hate the heat, i hate the sounds
lived without admitting to myself
i want to compose and lose my track.
i want to create and am interrupted.
i want to live and freeze in place
 watching time fly by
   when can i step in?
 watching the eyes of the world
   what do they see?

i look inside, can u see inside
    what's really there?
love, hate, unknown, fear, spite asides
    it's all inside looking out
the world reflected
    always out of time
alone and interrupted
    complexity inner line
broken spirit laden
    ruptured bloodied life

battle fades
        frustration subsumes
    sound clash - breaking my work - no schedule - demand pervades - others can't see this - I alone fall into this - is there an answer?

i'm lost again with answers with out a path
    i'm fighting again with a clear path without answers
i've got a path with a broken road
    i've trekked upon the road to lose the path

why does it make me mad?
    why should i dislike it so?
mediocrity, simpleton, crude, perpetual - ? mediocrity?
    where are my ideas
i've spillt the damn ideas across the floor
now i sound insane as i actually grow collected and corrected.

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