Create? Why?

Here I am sitting, listening to the new Machine Head album. The intensity, passion, and drive to create burns in me like thermite through the steal of armor. It's violent, yet well formed and simplified. I struggle to find ways to bring my ideas into a realm of existence. To see them come to life. The impatience, the torture of waiting, it is my daily struggle.

I feel compelled to hurry, but it requires patience, I feel torn and unaccomplished sometimes, but I have and continue to work and create so much. I draw this importance, yet I'm not concerned with sharing, yet I do seek to. I am selfish in my desire to create for me. I want to know that I can and have an innate desire to do so.

In the end I will share, but for now I must create for me. Even though it seems and feels selfish, I don't seek to hide it. I am an open book, I am an open mind, I study, learn, and mentor. I have nothing to hide.

I can be nothing but honest. But I know I appear selfish with my creations until they're ready, and sometimes I appear scattered and broken because of this. But I'm drawing closer to bringing them to life... and then I will draw in those that I seek to share with.

I will settle with myself some patience in order to bring these creations to life and set them free for others. I will share, but for now I'm selfish and shall remain. Off to create more...

...in the meantime, enjoy...

Create

Synapses kick and fire.
Mind alight with ire.

So many ideas to ideate.
Rapid visions to create.

To form the honest fashion.
Driven by violent passion.

Creation through reaction.
Simple, simplify, simple perfection.

Create a new thought.
Create the soul...
Create full of fraught.
Create internal fire.
Create internal passion.

Light it off... Let it explode... Let it break barriers... Let it free... Let it be...

Liberty taken to create, ideate, fire and ire aside, cast aside, eruption to create, to form, to know, to see... 

Liberty taken to create, ideate, permeate, fire and ire aside.
Liberty taken to create, ideate, permeate, fire and ire aside.

Screaming Twitch

11/20/1999

I delve into shadows,
I delve into darkness,
I delve deep below,
I delve to regress.

Olden days harken tales of yore
The lies fade away and the truth awaits...
The mind wonders and follows the path...
and the strength greater.

I've fallen down
I've fallen away
I've taken aback
and I have no remorse.

I see the days gone by,
and now I feel them seep into me...
I twitch uncontrolled,
the sleep has eluded me...
and now I pay, pay with this.

I scream,
twitch in turmoil.
twitch, twitch, twitch...
The day goes on without me,
I am lost in this the past,
I am lost inside my mind,
I am burned in the soul,
I am torn in the heart...
Why must this be?
I scream,
twitch in turmoil
twitch, twitch, twitch...

This is an old rambling of words I found. One of the many pieces I wrote between 94-2000. I'm not really sure though, what exactly I was remembering, but I do know the creative twitch that sneaks into my soul and gives me a bit of a twitch.

Want

Want

There ya went, walkin' in to my life.
and here I am now, so very into you.
I didn't think I'd be, weak in the knees...
every single thought I have, is about you.

I thought I'd wake up from this dream...
but I'm not asleep.
I look deep into to your eyes...
...and realize...

I just want to keep you here tonight.
I just want to keep you here near me.
I just want to hold you ever so gently.
I just want to feel you ever so deeply.

at first it just seemed an innocent flirt.
mere words and a glance upon your eyes.
a laugh just set my attention to you.
and it set us to start...

I thought I'd wake up from this dream...
but I'm not asleep.
I look deep into to your eyes...
...and realize...

I just want to keep you here tonight.
I just want to keep you here near me.
I just want to hold you ever so gently.
I just want to feel you ever so deeply.

Just Some Bad Asses

Every once in a while I like to take in a few Youtube Videos of those that inspire. Enjoy! A little appropriate metal inspirational love. A little Broderick and Loomis...

Stepping Away

En route to the city, I close my eyes to think...
  ...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

I remember the roar of the engine, real speed...
  ...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

I see the darkness, the long roads ahead...
  ...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

I saw the ladies, thought of liberty, she smiled so pretty...
but that's not what this was, more like a noose limply...
  ...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

Tired of that dissarray, I stepped back that day...
Tired of the threatening noose, I left that way...

I stood looking down and back,
knowing the barrage of flack,
no interest in pouring my life in,
when I had so much to do within.

Call it selfish, call it greed, call it knowledge, call it life.
Whatever what you will...

...it is life...
...it is liberty...
...breaking the noose and...
...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

...it is freedom...
...it is life...
...shredded the noose and...
...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

To distant places, all across the world,
I get to see by throwing away the noose,
...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

This is written, in context, of selling my car and gaining a true freedom from the constraint that it is. The world shifted for me that day, for the better.

Alone and Lost With My Own Battles

Words Written about June/July of 2009

context lost with frustration
my own head

untimely
frustrated
internally tortured
head fucked
inside out?
awake to a sleeping lie
hate this but love it

want her later but now my head battles
no escaping the folds of gray brain.

torn ripped folds of gray mind fucked

to battle fight alone with everyone on my side?

hating hate
i hate the heat, i hate the sounds
lived without admitting to myself
i want to compose and lose my track.
i want to create and am interrupted.
i want to live and freeze in place
 watching time fly by
   when can i step in?
 watching the eyes of the world
   what do they see?

i look inside, can u see inside
    what's really there?
love, hate, unknown, fear, spite asides
    it's all inside looking out
the world reflected
    always out of time
alone and interrupted
    complexity inner line
broken spirit laden
    ruptured bloodied life

battle fades
        frustration subsumes
    sound clash - breaking my work - no schedule - demand pervades - others can't see this - I alone fall into this - is there an answer?

i'm lost again with answers with out a path
    i'm fighting again with a clear path without answers
i've got a path with a broken road
    i've trekked upon the road to lose the path

why does it make me mad?
    why should i dislike it so?
mediocrity, simpleton, crude, perpetual - ? mediocrity?
    where are my ideas
i've spillt the damn ideas across the floor
now i sound insane as i actually grow collected and corrected.