Departure...

This blog has ended, but has new life at http://www.viciousshred.com, some come give a visit there.

Cheers

Note: Also, all the blog entries here, are also located there.

Discovered Some New Bands...

Russian Circles

Sleep

Distant Ballerina

Stone Burner

Grails

...I think I'll update this blog entry with more information as I check out each of these bands...

Finally dug the HD500 back out and got things wired up. Not really sure how I could or should wire this in with the jam session I'm going to tomorrow  We all will be wired into the monitors, but I'm running XLR cables at the moment, not the most common thing to wire into such.

...so, we'll see how things fly.

The Things I've Done... The Speeds I've Rolled...

Racing Culture & Really Serious Gearheads, or why I'm in Startups

I'm sitting here pondering the nights I was behind the wheel. 135 miles per hour and we pulled onto the twin span. Clearing regular traffic as if it were stopped.

We headed in line, watching out for each other. A flash for helicopters, two for traffic issues. We'd gotten used to each other, our techniques. We could tell the intensity of the drive by the slight movements of the wheels, the angle of attack on the cars. We could see millimeter differences from a distance, the twist of suspension and more.

The speed was almost like slow motion. The lift and drop as we rolled over bad interstate sections heading into New Orleans. We imagined what was happening as the suspension compressed and decompressed to light the cars firmly on the road. Those wings, that so many might make fun of, a very valuable physical asset to the cars at this point. Helping to keep the ass ends firmly planted and the front ends firmly aligned with our drive.

We'd notice the hard break of an cohort in the drive. 135 mph becomes 65mph in a mere few seconds. All of us in perfect succession break, knowing there is only one reason for such a massive drastic shift. Of course, off to the side the lead's radar had detected a pig. We cruise by and at the respective distance drop the hammer again. We roll onward to an easy cruising of about 105 mph.

Yeah, we're in the United States. Do we care about the speed limit or the police? Yeah, we care about everybody but we just don't care about their nonsensical approach to all this. The adrenaline rush overrides all of that anyway, the precisions and the dance of it all makes us not care. We've been cast aside by society for so many years now we don't care anyway. We know the ins and outs of the system, we understand what we're doing, and we do what we can not to involve those that are innocent or uninvolved. It's a simple thing really. Overall, we stay on the hard core, underground, down low.

The 105mph trickles down to 60mph as we take the off ramp that reads 25mph. Except we don't slow down, because our cars are built to handle this turn at an easy 60 mph. Nobody is anywhere to be seen. We move toward Michoud. The technology in our cars reads back various metrics; air pressure, compression ratios, air and fuel mixtures, we get trended data of our average speed across the 6 mile bridge. We're all data nerds at heart. The difference between other data nerds is we're all adrenaline junkies. We all roll down to the roads that are wide open and completely empty at this time of night.

We're primed. The ladies and gentlemen of the crew are now all lined up. Yes, it looks like those shitty movies. With amazingly beautiful ladies, some really young, some of the ladies sit in the drivers seats. It's the most sexist non-sexist environment ever. Everybody is there to get their adrenaline bump. They are there to see the technology, to feel the speed or hear the sounds, to see the elated people and share in the moment. It's intense, it's driving, it is contagious.

The first two cars line up. A straight and two turns. There are no rules, just stay alive and lead. Simple

As they pull up the tech can be heard, air intakes and turbos, forced induction pushing power into ranges that V8s dream of. All in a measly 1.8-2 liter engine. Power to weight ratios that are usually only in 160k dollar cars, all sit in front of us with the creative work of really smart individuals. Often in the beautifully modified piece of art coming in around 20-40k. These drivers working 2, 3, or 4 jobs to make the money to create these masterpieces.

A young lady decides to step up to flag the start of the race. She throws down her hands as the count ends and steps forward to be sure to avoid the car paths. The cars lurch forward in a violent passion, screaming engines and turbos spooling hard. Machine, tech, power, lust, and brute force combine to throw the cars forward to 30mph, 60mph, and faster. Mere seconds pass, a quarter mile is broken and triple digit speeds are broken. The first turn can be seen and the curs stab forward as the breaks are applied. One car leads into the turn, kicking out ever so slightly. The driver has balls, or maybe I shouldn't say that. Because she's doing an amazing job of smoking the guy in the other car.

The tear thru the turns and come back around. Slowing with hesitation as they approach the crowd as dozens prance forward to congratulate them on a great run. The both egress from their cars to discuss the dynamics of it all. To throw a little bravado forward and enjoy everyone's congratulations. Again, to enjoy the moment and hubris of it all.

The race is done. Adrenaline is had. The love of it all is beyond evident to all but the dead.

I know this, I've felt it, I've been there, raced there, loved it there. Now I do none of it. But the passion of the technology, the integration, the effort and drive is all there in me. This is why I love the startups, the small business, the effort to step above the fray and move forward. To make that little impact in the world and get the smile on your face that comes with it.

That's why I work for startups. That's why I'll try until the last gasp I take.

R

hide more don't give anything away

oh dear god forbid you have any happiness today

bring a little strut sugar coat the facade

never letting your heart feel always a little rough and shod

your beauty shines through in spite of you

you should go along with it and go ahead and take a walk with a few

you're a beautiful lady, don't forget you'll always have a view...

Setup My Gear, Figured I'd Shred a Short Bit...

Goodbye

To love.

To know a warm embrace.

Feeling the sexually elated high.

Every hour sex comes to play.

Till turns lead to saying goodbye.

Control your own, to be alone.

Look around to contemplate.

Step inside your own home.

Inside the mind to live replete.

Is to live

Is to love

To be broken

By passion or by...

Is to live

Is to love

To be whole

To live again

Knowing step away 

...complete. 

Breathe

breathe and slow down.
breathe, it will come.
breathe and slow down.
breathe, it's coming.
breathe and slow down.
breathe...

...a thought, a notion. Bring the fight...

...it's here.

Steam, Beauty, Skill, and Elegant Metal Taste

...beautiful singer, wicked steam era shot, and a magnificent steam engine...

...and I'm done for now.

Create? Why?

Here I am sitting, listening to the new Machine Head album. The intensity, passion, and drive to create burns in me like thermite through the steal of armor. It's violent, yet well formed and simplified. I struggle to find ways to bring my ideas into a realm of existence. To see them come to life. The impatience, the torture of waiting, it is my daily struggle.

I feel compelled to hurry, but it requires patience, I feel torn and unaccomplished sometimes, but I have and continue to work and create so much. I draw this importance, yet I'm not concerned with sharing, yet I do seek to. I am selfish in my desire to create for me. I want to know that I can and have an innate desire to do so.

In the end I will share, but for now I must create for me. Even though it seems and feels selfish, I don't seek to hide it. I am an open book, I am an open mind, I study, learn, and mentor. I have nothing to hide.

I can be nothing but honest. But I know I appear selfish with my creations until they're ready, and sometimes I appear scattered and broken because of this. But I'm drawing closer to bringing them to life... and then I will draw in those that I seek to share with.

I will settle with myself some patience in order to bring these creations to life and set them free for others. I will share, but for now I'm selfish and shall remain. Off to create more...

...in the meantime, enjoy...

Create

Synapses kick and fire.
Mind alight with ire.

So many ideas to ideate.
Rapid visions to create.

To form the honest fashion.
Driven by violent passion.

Creation through reaction.
Simple, simplify, simple perfection.

Create a new thought.
Create the soul...
Create full of fraught.
Create internal fire.
Create internal passion.

Light it off... Let it explode... Let it break barriers... Let it free... Let it be...

Liberty taken to create, ideate, fire and ire aside, cast aside, eruption to create, to form, to know, to see... 

Liberty taken to create, ideate, permeate, fire and ire aside.
Liberty taken to create, ideate, permeate, fire and ire aside.

Screaming Twitch

11/20/1999

I delve into shadows,
I delve into darkness,
I delve deep below,
I delve to regress.

Olden days harken tales of yore
The lies fade away and the truth awaits...
The mind wonders and follows the path...
and the strength greater.

I've fallen down
I've fallen away
I've taken aback
and I have no remorse.

I see the days gone by,
and now I feel them seep into me...
I twitch uncontrolled,
the sleep has eluded me...
and now I pay, pay with this.

I scream,
twitch in turmoil.
twitch, twitch, twitch...
The day goes on without me,
I am lost in this the past,
I am lost inside my mind,
I am burned in the soul,
I am torn in the heart...
Why must this be?
I scream,
twitch in turmoil
twitch, twitch, twitch...

This is an old rambling of words I found. One of the many pieces I wrote between 94-2000. I'm not really sure though, what exactly I was remembering, but I do know the creative twitch that sneaks into my soul and gives me a bit of a twitch.

Want

Want

There ya went, walkin' in to my life.
and here I am now, so very into you.
I didn't think I'd be, weak in the knees...
every single thought I have, is about you.

I thought I'd wake up from this dream...
but I'm not asleep.
I look deep into to your eyes...
...and realize...

I just want to keep you here tonight.
I just want to keep you here near me.
I just want to hold you ever so gently.
I just want to feel you ever so deeply.

at first it just seemed an innocent flirt.
mere words and a glance upon your eyes.
a laugh just set my attention to you.
and it set us to start...

I thought I'd wake up from this dream...
but I'm not asleep.
I look deep into to your eyes...
...and realize...

I just want to keep you here tonight.
I just want to keep you here near me.
I just want to hold you ever so gently.
I just want to feel you ever so deeply.

Just Some Bad Asses

Every once in a while I like to take in a few Youtube Videos of those that inspire. Enjoy! A little appropriate metal inspirational love. A little Broderick and Loomis...

Stepping Away

En route to the city, I close my eyes to think...
  ...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

I remember the roar of the engine, real speed...
  ...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

I see the darkness, the long roads ahead...
  ...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

I saw the ladies, thought of liberty, she smiled so pretty...
but that's not what this was, more like a noose limply...
  ...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

Tired of that dissarray, I stepped back that day...
Tired of the threatening noose, I left that way...

I stood looking down and back,
knowing the barrage of flack,
no interest in pouring my life in,
when I had so much to do within.

Call it selfish, call it greed, call it knowledge, call it life.
Whatever what you will...

...it is life...
...it is liberty...
...breaking the noose and...
...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

...it is freedom...
...it is life...
...shredded the noose and...
...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

To distant places, all across the world,
I get to see by throwing away the noose,
...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

This is written, in context, of selling my car and gaining a true freedom from the constraint that it is. The world shifted for me that day, for the better.

Alone and Lost With My Own Battles

Words Written about June/July of 2009

context lost with frustration
my own head

untimely
frustrated
internally tortured
head fucked
inside out?
awake to a sleeping lie
hate this but love it

want her later but now my head battles
no escaping the folds of gray brain.

torn ripped folds of gray mind fucked

to battle fight alone with everyone on my side?

hating hate
i hate the heat, i hate the sounds
lived without admitting to myself
i want to compose and lose my track.
i want to create and am interrupted.
i want to live and freeze in place
 watching time fly by
   when can i step in?
 watching the eyes of the world
   what do they see?

i look inside, can u see inside
    what's really there?
love, hate, unknown, fear, spite asides
    it's all inside looking out
the world reflected
    always out of time
alone and interrupted
    complexity inner line
broken spirit laden
    ruptured bloodied life

battle fades
        frustration subsumes
    sound clash - breaking my work - no schedule - demand pervades - others can't see this - I alone fall into this - is there an answer?

i'm lost again with answers with out a path
    i'm fighting again with a clear path without answers
i've got a path with a broken road
    i've trekked upon the road to lose the path

why does it make me mad?
    why should i dislike it so?
mediocrity, simpleton, crude, perpetual - ? mediocrity?
    where are my ideas
i've spillt the damn ideas across the floor
now i sound insane as i actually grow collected and corrected.

New Day

A single point of recognition pries into the mind.
A small light glares as the eyes open.
Another day is upon me, it is upon us all.
Some may rest in peace, but not here not now.

The day begins and the mind gears for the onset.
Earth shifts again and we all begin to...
  One here, there, on a corner, in the workers...

One starts the machinery, one starts begins prep...
  The fragrance of life begins anew, a new day.
Breads, meats, the carcass the stewing heat amid us...
  The frigid cold tearing into the soul.
The skin barely an embrace among the chill.

...these word are very very incomplete.  :/

Ro... je ne sais quoi

To know your smile, feel your touch,
hold your hand, embracing you much.
To love to know to have our...
Hearts beat together

In spite of life and set sacrifice aside
We'll have each other regardless of tides
To love to know to have our...
Hearts beat together

Rolling Over Days

I'm overwhelmed as we roll away...
Gliding so smoothly over rail...
A tear gathers in my eye for today.
It's like a round about long tail.

I was rolling along so frequently.
The paths are clearly known to me.
The clarity, focus, and liberty.
Pedaled along among so many free.

Stumptown Girl

I put these pieces together a while ago...  not sure the exact date...

It's a busy flow, but they haven't lined her up to be great.
She's a nice lady, Emerald is, but her soul is a little late.

The gray casts upon us all, seeing the cool breeze I'm unfazed.
The streets glisten with wetness, I can feel the cold unabated.

The emerald lady can't decide if she likes me.
However the gal smiles and asks if I'll return.
The emerald lady she's friendly, but holds back.
I think I'll roll down and see my Stumptown Gal.

I gotta make a visit,
I gotta get away today,
I have to get down and visit my Stumptown Gal.
I want to get away,
I want to see her smile,
Stumptown Gal is waiting for me,
Stumptown Gal is smiling at me,
Stumptown Gal wants to...
...sip a coffee,
act a play,
see or say,
drink a beer,
bike a ride,
follow the tide.
...and off I go again to see my Stumptown Gal.

I remember this feeling before, on a hot summer day,
The humidity beat into me, as the bugs came to play.
The porch was wide and the view wasn't so bad,
However the my life had turned into a twisted little fad.
A drink or three this night, till a burning hour of three.
I'd step up to work, day after day, wanting away and free.