Create? Why?

Here I am sitting, listening to the new Machine Head album. The intensity, passion, and drive to create burns in me like thermite through the steal of armor. It's violent, yet well formed and simplified. I struggle to find ways to bring my ideas into a realm of existence. To see them come to life. The impatience, the torture of waiting, it is my daily struggle.

I feel compelled to hurry, but it requires patience, I feel torn and unaccomplished sometimes, but I have and continue to work and create so much. I draw this importance, yet I'm not concerned with sharing, yet I do seek to. I am selfish in my desire to create for me. I want to know that I can and have an innate desire to do so.

In the end I will share, but for now I must create for me. Even though it seems and feels selfish, I don't seek to hide it. I am an open book, I am an open mind, I study, learn, and mentor. I have nothing to hide.

I can be nothing but honest. But I know I appear selfish with my creations until they're ready, and sometimes I appear scattered and broken because of this. But I'm drawing closer to bringing them to life... and then I will draw in those that I seek to share with.

I will settle with myself some patience in order to bring these creations to life and set them free for others. I will share, but for now I'm selfish and shall remain. Off to create more...

...in the meantime, enjoy...

Create

Synapses kick and fire.
Mind alight with ire.

So many ideas to ideate.
Rapid visions to create.

To form the honest fashion.
Driven by violent passion.

Creation through reaction.
Simple, simplify, simple perfection.

Create a new thought.
Create the soul...
Create full of fraught.
Create internal fire.
Create internal passion.

Light it off... Let it explode... Let it break barriers... Let it free... Let it be...

Liberty taken to create, ideate, fire and ire aside, cast aside, eruption to create, to form, to know, to see... 

Liberty taken to create, ideate, permeate, fire and ire aside.
Liberty taken to create, ideate, permeate, fire and ire aside.

Screaming Twitch

11/20/1999

I delve into shadows,
I delve into darkness,
I delve deep below,
I delve to regress.

Olden days harken tales of yore
The lies fade away and the truth awaits...
The mind wonders and follows the path...
and the strength greater.

I've fallen down
I've fallen away
I've taken aback
and I have no remorse.

I see the days gone by,
and now I feel them seep into me...
I twitch uncontrolled,
the sleep has eluded me...
and now I pay, pay with this.

I scream,
twitch in turmoil.
twitch, twitch, twitch...
The day goes on without me,
I am lost in this the past,
I am lost inside my mind,
I am burned in the soul,
I am torn in the heart...
Why must this be?
I scream,
twitch in turmoil
twitch, twitch, twitch...

This is an old rambling of words I found. One of the many pieces I wrote between 94-2000. I'm not really sure though, what exactly I was remembering, but I do know the creative twitch that sneaks into my soul and gives me a bit of a twitch.

Want

Want

There ya went, walkin' in to my life.
and here I am now, so very into you.
I didn't think I'd be, weak in the knees...
every single thought I have, is about you.

I thought I'd wake up from this dream...
but I'm not asleep.
I look deep into to your eyes...
...and realize...

I just want to keep you here tonight.
I just want to keep you here near me.
I just want to hold you ever so gently.
I just want to feel you ever so deeply.

at first it just seemed an innocent flirt.
mere words and a glance upon your eyes.
a laugh just set my attention to you.
and it set us to start...

I thought I'd wake up from this dream...
but I'm not asleep.
I look deep into to your eyes...
...and realize...

I just want to keep you here tonight.
I just want to keep you here near me.
I just want to hold you ever so gently.
I just want to feel you ever so deeply.

Just Some Bad Asses

Every once in a while I like to take in a few Youtube Videos of those that inspire. Enjoy! A little appropriate metal inspirational love. A little Broderick and Loomis...

Stepping Away

En route to the city, I close my eyes to think...
  ...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

I remember the roar of the engine, real speed...
  ...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

I see the darkness, the long roads ahead...
  ...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

I saw the ladies, thought of liberty, she smiled so pretty...
but that's not what this was, more like a noose limply...
  ...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

Tired of that dissarray, I stepped back that day...
Tired of the threatening noose, I left that way...

I stood looking down and back,
knowing the barrage of flack,
no interest in pouring my life in,
when I had so much to do within.

Call it selfish, call it greed, call it knowledge, call it life.
Whatever what you will...

...it is life...
...it is liberty...
...breaking the noose and...
...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

...it is freedom...
...it is life...
...shredded the noose and...
...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

To distant places, all across the world,
I get to see by throwing away the noose,
...my ride rolls on, rolls on.

This is written, in context, of selling my car and gaining a true freedom from the constraint that it is. The world shifted for me that day, for the better.

Alone and Lost With My Own Battles

Words Written about June/July of 2009

context lost with frustration
my own head

untimely
frustrated
internally tortured
head fucked
inside out?
awake to a sleeping lie
hate this but love it

want her later but now my head battles
no escaping the folds of gray brain.

torn ripped folds of gray mind fucked

to battle fight alone with everyone on my side?

hating hate
i hate the heat, i hate the sounds
lived without admitting to myself
i want to compose and lose my track.
i want to create and am interrupted.
i want to live and freeze in place
 watching time fly by
   when can i step in?
 watching the eyes of the world
   what do they see?

i look inside, can u see inside
    what's really there?
love, hate, unknown, fear, spite asides
    it's all inside looking out
the world reflected
    always out of time
alone and interrupted
    complexity inner line
broken spirit laden
    ruptured bloodied life

battle fades
        frustration subsumes
    sound clash - breaking my work - no schedule - demand pervades - others can't see this - I alone fall into this - is there an answer?

i'm lost again with answers with out a path
    i'm fighting again with a clear path without answers
i've got a path with a broken road
    i've trekked upon the road to lose the path

why does it make me mad?
    why should i dislike it so?
mediocrity, simpleton, crude, perpetual - ? mediocrity?
    where are my ideas
i've spillt the damn ideas across the floor
now i sound insane as i actually grow collected and corrected.

New Day

A single point of recognition pries into the mind.
A small light glares as the eyes open.
Another day is upon me, it is upon us all.
Some may rest in peace, but not here not now.

The day begins and the mind gears for the onset.
Earth shifts again and we all begin to...
  One here, there, on a corner, in the workers...

One starts the machinery, one starts begins prep...
  The fragrance of life begins anew, a new day.
Breads, meats, the carcass the stewing heat amid us...
  The frigid cold tearing into the soul.
The skin barely an embrace among the chill.

...these word are very very incomplete.  :/

Ro... je ne sais quoi

To know your smile, feel your touch,
hold your hand, embracing you much.
To love to know to have our...
Hearts beat together

In spite of life and set sacrifice aside
We'll have each other regardless of tides
To love to know to have our...
Hearts beat together

Rolling Over Days

I'm overwhelmed as we roll away...
Gliding so smoothly over rail...
A tear gathers in my eye for today.
It's like a round about long tail.

I was rolling along so frequently.
The paths are clearly known to me.
The clarity, focus, and liberty.
Pedaled along among so many free.

Stumptown Girl

I put these pieces together a while ago...  not sure the exact date...

It's a busy flow, but they haven't lined her up to be great.
She's a nice lady, Emerald is, but her soul is a little late.

The gray casts upon us all, seeing the cool breeze I'm unfazed.
The streets glisten with wetness, I can feel the cold unabated.

The emerald lady can't decide if she likes me.
However the gal smiles and asks if I'll return.
The emerald lady she's friendly, but holds back.
I think I'll roll down and see my Stumptown Gal.

I gotta make a visit,
I gotta get away today,
I have to get down and visit my Stumptown Gal.
I want to get away,
I want to see her smile,
Stumptown Gal is waiting for me,
Stumptown Gal is smiling at me,
Stumptown Gal wants to...
...sip a coffee,
act a play,
see or say,
drink a beer,
bike a ride,
follow the tide.
...and off I go again to see my Stumptown Gal.

I remember this feeling before, on a hot summer day,
The humidity beat into me, as the bugs came to play.
The porch was wide and the view wasn't so bad,
However the my life had turned into a twisted little fad.
A drink or three this night, till a burning hour of three.
I'd step up to work, day after day, wanting away and free.

Superficial

Sitting in Seattle Coffee Works, near Pike & 1st. Watching two young people, dressed very upscale, finish their drinks and walk off to somewhere. It makes me ponder, what do they miss? Do they realize what they miss by dressing that way? Do they see their special treatment? Do they want to versus being judged on a less superficial level? Do they care?

The tits walked in and the ass waddled along.
Her man stepped along behind, watching sway.
She rolled up and spoke, stupidity fell long.
He told her what she'd get and gave her play.

She was like a wind up doll, didn't care to think.
She smiled and walked her way, feeling in charge.
He stood and waited for the order, for his fink.
She sat like an obedient bitch with drink all large.

Arm piece idiocy, a worthless bitch,
Where do you stand in this world? Superficial!
What do you think you are? Superficial!
You're nothing, except for who puts you on their arm.
Stand away, drop the vacuous superficial.
Be something, fly above the superficial.

Ending

Occupied.

We're at a loss and stand alone.
We're lost among our own ideals.
We're alone in the crowd at home.
We're broken, unsure what to feel.

Occupied...
Is it ending?
Where's my home?
Where's my land?
Where's my love?
Where's my thought?
Where's my knowing?
Where's my way?

Occupied...
Is it ending?
Step into the fray
get ready for today

Occupied...
Is it ending?
It'll be upon many unprepared soon.
Like being fed soup with a dirty spoon.

Ending, drawing near.
With the beginning on the horizon.
Blood to be drawn. Fear to be faced.
With the beginning on the horizon.

Free me, free us, let us know, let us think.

We need to find our home!
We need to find our land!
We need to find our love!
We need to find our thought!
We need to find our knowledge!
We need to find our way!

Ending, drawing near.
With the beginning on the horizon.
Blood to be drawn. Fear to be faced.
With the beginning on the horizon.

Bring the ending,
perpetuate the ending,
permeate the ending,
bring the ending.

Ending, drawing near.
With the beginning on the horizon.
Blood to be drawn. Fear to be faced.
With the beginning on the horizon.

Studious? I Hope So...

It sure takes some persistence to figure out music gear. I've just spent a solid hour playing with tones, so far, I'm seriously jazzed about the bad ass tones that I've pulled out of this HD500. I did do some searching around to see what I could dig up and found a few things on the Line6 Forums that came in handy.

POD HD 500 - configuration for modern metal tone

More than anything I just needed to play around with the POD HD500 Edit Software and figure out how to actually setup the amps, cabinets, and all the individual gear. After playing around and getting some pretty good heavy tones and starting on a clean tone I decided I was done messing and just played for about an hour. Before I wrapped for the night though I did find one more link, which pretty much sums up how seriously bad ass the HD500 can be.

POD HD500 ~ Jeff Loomis and John Petrucci Tones... NOW tell me it can't do metal... =)

When you pull the absolute heaviness of Jeff Loomis and the strange things that John Petrucci puts together, you know you've landed in a very heavy place. That led me to a decision, before wrapping I dove into some Strapping Young Lad. These guys know what heavy means, seriously crazy heavy. After that I decided I'd roll right into some Devin Townsend Project, again... heavy mood. Until later, I'm exhausted for this round.

...and some of that Jeff Loomis shredding...

Day After...

Last night I got the HD500 up and running. I told a few long time friends about the purchase and have received all sorts of kudos. I also got an emotion that I haven't had in a while...

The sound of the electric guitar cutting through the placid simple tranquility lights a fire in my soul that invigorates me. It lays rest to all my other curiosities and interests for a time, inspiring me to create, write, and compose the music and the ideas in my mind. Now I sit here the next day, pondering how to decrease my other work, time spent, and other such things so I can focus deeply on my music. I've left it alone for far too long. I've felt partially dead for the better part of a decade and I'm done dancing the dirge of the walking dead. I'm ready to play, to write. So I am...

So with this new inspiration I'm looking for ways to push more music into my schedule. This will be an interesting challenge. I even ponder, can I cut my salary in half and only work 20 hours a week? Not really, but the idea did pop into my head, I do however love what I do and like going to work. But the music does call...

POD HD500

Last week I purchased a Line6 HD500 for the beginnings of the setup to compose, play, and prospectively record music. This is music I've had in my head for years, have played in some bands, and have never gotten around to recording. Slowly I'm putting the pieces back together; the tones, words, and nuances of what I was trying to create. In addition I've never stopped hearing and creating new material, so that is added to what I have already in my mind.

So as I write this I tweak and fiddle with this new gadget I have. There are so many possibilities among the features, but for now I just aim in one direction. I want a nice, thick, distorted sound that will make the dead scream!

On to some shredding...

What's a POD^® HD500 it's a whole range of sounds and toys to create with. I've still got a long way to go before I even know what I can do with half of the features. Just a few of the key items I'm going to play with first...

• 16 HD Amp Models
• 100+ Effect Models
• Up to 8 Simultaneous Effects
• 512 Preset Locations
• 48-second Looper

 ...the rest of the feature soup will just have to wait until another day.

Diving Back In!

Over the last several years I've neglected my music, my writing, and my creation of new music. It has been painful, frustrating, and self induced. This is all about to change and this blog is where I'm going to write about it.

This first entry kicks off my writing about my musical activities, but it also is here to stand as a warning. My music that I write is my deepest emotional bindings, my most internal thoughts, and is 100% true and uncensored. To some, this can be scary, to others it may be damning, to me it is pure and honest. It is, if one description should be attached to it, "Pure Unadulterated Metal".

With that out of the way, onward toward the dangerous things.